Feel It All: Burn It Down

[one_third][/one_third][two_third_last]New, change, unfamiliar. These are things the season of Aries brings up. Katie Chirgotis of Eothen, our Muse of feeling and nature, shares some incandescent insights and images for this time of beginnings.

There are vibrant, essential places on our planet that require fire for vitality. The flats of the prairie, undulating grasslands of the savanna, and stands of chaparral and coniferous forests cannot thrive, or make room for renewal, without the heat and rapture of fire to sweep through. But what is initially left behind the flames’ retreat is most often a desolate reality. Fire catalyzes change that is so swift that often there is little comfort found in a blackened, smoldering moonscape – a strangeness that sparks fear, loneliness and grief.

Change. Harder for some, welcomed by others, inevitable to all. Coming into the start of our Zodiacal calendar, which truly feels like the New Year (truly – who can set intentions to hit the gym, or go on a juice cleanse, when we’re swaddled in sweaters and presented with anemic Romaine leaves in January?!), Aries fire is the match struck to New Beginnings. We can all feel the shift, and respond to it in turn by our actions and communication. Inboxes and text threads ping non-stop. Plans are made and projects launch. Heartbeats quicken, and hands turn over warming soil.

Realizations arrive with nuclear impact. Sledge-hammer decisions are made to chart a new course. Relationships come to an end, and we may be left in a barren moonscape where comfort was once found.[/two_third_last]

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[two_third]Both/and is the pyre of Aries, and its flames burn through old patterns and holdings to make room for something new. Further enlightened, stronger, present, in-tune. But different – and that’s where we trip up. To arrive at a place so strange and initially barren with grace is certainly not a concept I’m familiar with, and it’s one with which I feel many of us struggle. We may brace our heels and deny, or fight for whatever hold we have to keep things the same. But to struggle and resist change is to suffer. The pain, the burn! We associate with the sudden arrival to a place with which we are unfamiliar, and perhaps alone and afraid, is made greater when we do not allow ourselves to be swept along with the rush of spark and cinder.

To make room for more richness and vitality in our lives, both within ourselves and with one and another, must happen. Whether it’s something of our own choosing may not be our experience, but there is comfort in knowing that experience is a shared one, a necessary part of being here on this planet. And how lucky to be able to open our palms to the heat of change, warming us to something more.

Aries fire is both beautiful and terrible. Let us be thankful for both, and for the opportunity to begin again. [/two_third][one_third_last][/one_third_last]

Inner Musings: Fighting Fair

[one_half][/one_half][one_half_last]Let’s dive into this astrological new year by igniting our fires and facing our anger square on. CosmoMuse mental health expert, Lauren Eimers-Wangrud, shares some brilliant thoughts on how we can do this in a very constructive way.

“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.” – Maya Angelou, Poet, 1928 – 2014

It’s the beginning of the astrological new year, and with new beginnings comes refreshed energies to clean house–literally, emotionally, psychologically. One way to “clean house” emotionally is with anger. Many of us were taught that anger is a purely negative feeling, but anger can be a positive and curative force when uncoupled from violence and aggression. This Aries season, the season of fire, ignition, and clarity, we can address anger in our lives and learn how to convey our anger in constructive ways.[/one_half_last]

[full_width]Sitting on or stifling your anger isn’t the best idea for your emotional or physical health. Just as a wound can fester if not cleaned and properly cared for, so can anger that is left pent up. That anger can turn into a grudge or bitterness and creates an energy drain on your internal resources. Anger that is not expressed ultimately damages the person carrying it, not the source or cause of the anger. Understanding now that unreleased anger serves no one, let’s talk about how we can channel our anger and express it in a positive way.

“Fighting fair” isn’t about not letting your emotions be known or sugar-coating how you really feel. Bringing honesty, maturity, and empathy into an argument can make your expression of anger a starting point for better communication and even possibly a solution to the source of that anger. Much like a debate, there are ground rules that need to be followed for an argument to have a chance at a positive outcome.[/full_width]

[two_third]The first and most important rule is that aggression and violence have no place in “fighting fair.” That said, your next rules need to be agreed upon by both parties and are best discussed during a time where emotions aren’t running high, i.e. don’t try to discuss new mutual ground rules in the middle of a fight:

Try to remain calm and open to communication. When we are overwhelmed or “flooded” with emotion to the point where we aren’t hearing what the other person is saying, it is 100% okay to take a “time out” until you aren’t feeling flooded any longer.

Be specific about what it was that caused your anger. Using phrases like, “It makes me feel XYZ way when ABC happens,” helps the other party to understand what you are trying to convey while not getting defensive. Your feelings are valid and talking about them only helps in reaching a positive outcome, as opposed to accusations, which shuts down communication in no time.

Old issues aren’t allowed in the fight. Bringing up something that happened in the past isn’t going to help the situation at hand. If you are still carrying a wound from the past, pick another time to discuss that, so you can release that from yourself. Try not to let your anger build up over time, so the only arguments you have are of the “kitchen sink” variety.
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[one_half][/one_half][one_half_last]Try not to use words like “always” or “never.” Generalizations not only are inaccurate, they can make an issue seem bigger and that there is less room for change.

Stonewalling is not an option. The silent treatment won’t help in two-way communication or the reaching of any sort of resolution. If you are feeling flooded, let the other person know you need a breather, but are committed to resuming your conversation when you are better able to talk constructively.

Remember this isn’t a “win or lose” situation. Many an argument have resolutions built on respect and compromise.

Your spring cleaning can take many forms this year. With a little planning, honesty, and empathy, you can let that anger burn brightly and emerge unburdened with new emotional clarity.[/one_half_last]